


Every Time I Close my Eyes

by alabasterblaze



Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: A Town Called Mercy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2012-12-14
Packaged: 2017-11-21 02:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alabasterblaze/pseuds/alabasterblaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is sad. He is remembering. Amy and Rory are shocked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Time I Close my Eyes

The Doctor’s sad when he thinks no-one can see him. He must remain happy for the Ponds. Today was no exception.  
Bad, bad, stupid him. Now he’s got into a problem. He uncapped something he’s been trying to leave go. Years, millennias, even of pain.  
That pain was called the Master. His Master. The only one to ever know him, always, always to mock, to comfort, to kill, to help…  
His Koschei.  
He bit his lip and tried breathing. Keeping with the now. But it won’t work. Now is too late to stop the tears that were streaming down his cheeks unbidden.  
He tried to push them away. The Ponds were coming up from the kitchen and Sexy was humming trying to comfort and redirect. But to no avail. So he wiped them away and put on the smile, the manic “hey-let’s-poke-it-with-a-stick” look.  
“Were you crying?” Amy marched forward, her brow wrinkling.  
“No,” The Doctor said, “What could make you think I’m sad, we saved the day. The Ponds are in the TARDIS.”  
“Doctor, I am a nurse, so I know the signs of suppressed emotions. It’s okay, you can tell us.” Rory offered a comforting look.  
“You wouldn’t know. It’s complicated. Don’t worry. I’m fine.” He tried shaking them off.  
“Doctor, tell me, we traveled with you long enough to know you and care. You asked me once to trust you, now it’s your turn to trust me,” Amy hugged him and scolded motherly. “Honestly.”  
“Okay, I’ll tell. But don’t stop me mid-way, or I will stop! And no questions, no consolation. No nothing- forget what I said. Do I make myself clear?”  
The two nodded.  
“Where do I begin? Gallifrey. Home. The Master, my Koschei. My Master. We were roommates at the academy. He is my Rory to you Amy. The thing I never knew what I had until it was gone. He was gone. We were renegades, so was our friend. The only three renegades our race ever produced.” He smiled wanly and breathed in, trying not to cry, “He had this four beat drumming in his head, drove him mad, didn’t believe him until it was too late. Jax, was right, I am a mirror to him but worse, I’ve killed, I hear the screams in my head. Every time I close my eyes. But none other than the hate he spewed at me. I was betrothed to my first wife, I loved her, but I always wanted the life me and Ko’ dreamed of-a TARDIS, running around, looming kids or even trying to create a Thought-Child. Y’know couple stuff. Bonding and marrying. But after I married and the ceremony was over he vanished from Gallifrey and became…twisted resurfaced once in my second body, then all the time in my third, once in my fourth. loads during my fifth, sixth, and seventh. He was the focal point of my eighth. He was opening the Eye of Harmony. Tried killing me. I guess that was his way of flirting then. But he came back in my tenth. He was prime minister Harold Saxon, then he faked his death, and came back, right before my death into this body.” The tears were rolling down, and he did nothing to stop them.  
The Ponds were looking at the ragged Raggedy Doctor. Sad. They had no clue.  
“He was my last thought before I Regenerated. I visited my old friends before that. But I still was shocked. He did the one thing he never would- die. He saved me, and sealed off the Time-Lock. I see his face it haunts me, I see all the faces I got to know of him. I need him. I would do anything for all those years back, just sometimes when I do plan on sleeping, I see this other life we could be having, I chasing great-great-great-great grand children around. Waking up to his face,going to sleep to him. I wouldn’t take back the time I had with my granddaughter Susan, her mother Thalia. Or the friends I made. Maybe that’s why this body is so out-there. So “you-want-a-piece of me” so smiling. To copy the madman I love. Don’t get me wrong I love Rose, Jamie, Turlough, and River. I even Regenerated to please Rose, maybe not, well me kissing her to save her, so I dressed to impress I guess. I shoved him away for so long, so he in turn did at the end. When I turned, he turned. Got that, good, now please can we go on an adventure and leave my emotions in the Past?”  
“Sorry for your loss.” Rory said.


End file.
